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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28791600">Say Something</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/FPwoper/pseuds/FPwoper'>FPwoper</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>SPN Kink Bingo 2021 [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Bottom Dean Winchester, Cas doesn’t realise Dean is Not Okay, Depressed Dean Winchester, Drunk Castiel, Dubious Consent, Friends With Benefits, Handholding, M/M, Roommates, See notes for dubcon/noncon information, Soft sex, This might be a little sad, Top Castiel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:27:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,034</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28791600</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/FPwoper/pseuds/FPwoper</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Cas have been friends with benefits for a long time, but Dean knows he wants more, and it hurts.<br/>SPN Kink Bingo square: handholding<br/>WoD Lusty Lexis: “I’ve been thinking about this all day”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>SPN Kink Bingo 2021 [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2110893</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>SPN Kink Bingo 2021, Writers of Destiel Lusty Lexis</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Say Something</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Uh, so, I didn't think this would be my first fic of the year but apparently it is.<br/>Please mind the tags, and the endnotes will give you a little more information about the dubcon/noncon thing in this fic.</p><p>Note: I wrote most of this to “Shower Day” and “Elsa’s Song” by The Amazing Devil, both of which really fit the feeling of this story so please give them a listen?</p><p>This is a fill for WoD Lusty Lexis: "I've been thinking about this all day"<br/>And it's a fill for the SPN Kink Bingo, square: handholding</p><p>This is not edited, any mistakes are my own.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean has been tired all day, and he’s not sure if he can fake being happy and welcoming to Cas when he returns from work that night. It’s been a difficult day and he wants Cas to support him through that, as they’ve been doing for each other ever since they moved in together during college. Well, Dean might want even more, but he’s certain Cas doesn’t want <em>that</em>. And so Dean bites his lips through most of their interactions, the ones where he wants to tell Cas that he really does love him, and ask Cas whether he’s interested in pursuing something more.</p><p>Currently, Dean is biting his lip to keep from crying because <em>his day was fucking shitty </em>and he needs a break. His brain is buzzing and doesn’t let him settle down and he’s on the verge of ordering something in instead of going through the hassle of cooking for himself and Cas tonight when he remembers that Cas said something about loving his cooking, and it’s a brief zing of <em>motivation </em>that gets him to the kitchen and actually gets him cooking too. He makes a simple macaroni, but it’s homemade, and he’s proud of himself for having done that. Cas should be home soon, and Dean sets the kitchen table for them and makes sure that the macaroni is still hot enough.</p><p>When Dean’s phone buzzes, he’s filled with a sense of dread, as if he’s got a direct connection to the message popping up on his screen. <em>Got a work dinner thing, will be home late, don’t wait up</em>. Dean blinks and sits down on Cas’s chair. His mind blanks on what it’s supposed to do now, and Dean just… sits for a few minutes.</p><p>Those few minutes turn into half an hour, when Dean blinks again and shakes his head at his phone when it buzzes again. <em>Please don’t forget to eat, Dean</em>. It’s almost a direct command and Dean manages to eat a few bites of macaroni – directly from the pan, standing at the stove – before he gives up and goes over to his room. He needed Cas tonight and Cas apparently doesn’t need him, and it hurts.</p><p>Dean listlessly brushes his teeth, undresses and then burrows into bed. He’s not sure if he can sleep, but Cas said not to wait up so he won’t go sit on the couch and fall asleep there. Dean stares at the ceiling, cursing his own stupidity, his own fucking <em>crush </em>on Cas, who doesn’t need him as much as Dean apparently needs Cas to be mentally stable.</p><p> </p><p>Dean is woken up a few hours later by someone stumbling into their apartment. Dean is groggy and unsure when he fell asleep because he was pretty sure that his mind definitely wasn’t  ready for sleep, but he manages to sit up and squint at the figure appearing in his open door.</p><p>“Dean…”</p><p>Even though Dean is glad it’s just Cas and not someone else, he’s worried. Cas saying his name usually feels like coming home, but Cas sounds drunk and unbalanced himself, and Dean isn’t sure he can handle that right now. Castiel just wanders into Dean’s room, allowing himself to drop on Dean’s bed and crowds closer to him. Dean doesn’t want to flinch away, but he’s not happy about this development, not… now.</p><p>“Hello Dean,” Cas whispers once he’s crouching over Dean. He kisses Dean’s face – forehead, cheeks, nose, chin, lips – but then turns him over and pulls the sheets down. Dean allows himself to be turned over and shivers as his naked ass is bared to the chill of the room. Cas is quick to drape himself over Dean, kissing down his back, but it still feels a little cold. Dean cannot quite stop himself from shivering the longer Cas goes on, and he swallows when Cas grabs the lube from the bedside table.</p><p>As Cas lubes up his fingers and brings them to Dean’s hole, Dean bites his lower lip to keep the tears at bay again. He loves Cas, he really does, but he’s not sure how to tell Cas that now isn’t a good time, that… that whatever Cas wants to do really isn’t going to help Dean, that it might even hurt him more in the long run, but Dean doesn’t know how to say that. Cas opens him up quickly and perfunctorily, and then coats his erection in lube and slowly starts pushing in.</p><p>“Oh Dean,” Cas moans, speech notably slurred, “I’ve been thinking about this all day,” and Dean can’t help the tears that fall from his eyes. He hides his face in the pillows and just endures Cas pumping into him. Dean isn’t even hard.</p><p>When Cas’s fingers fold over Dean’s where they’re gripping the sheets, Dean has difficulties keeping the sobs at bay. He <em>loves </em>this man and can’t even communicate how he’s doing. Apparently Castiel wants him regardless, and there just might be something more in Cas’s gesture – they’re holding hands during soft sex, for fuck’s sake – but Dean can’t think about that. He just can’t. It’s a defence mechanism now, and he’s not sure if he’ll ever be able to shake it even if they do talk.</p><p>Castiel shudders as he comes inside of Dean, squeezing his fingers tighter while Dean can’t control his tears anymore, eyes unseeing on their intertwined fingers. Dean loves Cas, but he <em>can’t</em>.</p><p>Castiel falls asleep on Dean that night, but Dean doesn’t sleep. He can’t sleep. He keeps wishing Cas would wake up and move to his own room, that Cas would leave him alone for a little bit so Dean could just wake himself up and <em>feel</em> again. But Cas doesn’t, and when Cas wakes in the morning and Dean hasn’t slept because of Cas’s suffocating weight on his back the entire night, Dean knows he’ll have to get through the next day again and again and again and again without speaking up about tonight, because he’ll end up shattering himself and Cas and that’s the one thing he doesn’t want.</p><p>They should probably talk, but Dean knows they won’t, and he’ll have to learn how to deal with that.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>End notes: Cas is drunk and Dean doesn’t want sex but doesn’t dare say no, so Cas technically rapes him.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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